All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
