Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
