Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
