speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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