Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
