we have officially lost it.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
