fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We are all done wearing pants today
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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