That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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