Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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