dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
