he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
