she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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