Pants 0. Shit 1.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
