The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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