He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
