kristin has been a bad kristin
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
