My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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