nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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