I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
