My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
