they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
