Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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