apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
