toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
