we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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