Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
