Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
