its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Damn victory sex feels great
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
