It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
