Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize
