so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
