pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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