Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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