A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
