So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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