I look better un-naked...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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