he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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