Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
