Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
