There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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