I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Blood and glitter go together right?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
