I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
