You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
