I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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