Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My breasts were aching with rage.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
