I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
