No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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