Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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