Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
