i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
