Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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