Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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