and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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