She is in my trunk
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
