I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Fuck appropriateness.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
