i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it hurts more in the daytime
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize