I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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