What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
