my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
