why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
