How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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