i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
one two three fourrrrnication!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize