Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
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