I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
