oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
