My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
