I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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